NFL Week 11 Picks Part 2

Before I get to the picks for the week, I just want to make a quick fantasy football point. Usually, I am lucky to have a team that scores all the points that I could want. This year, my team scores less than the Cleveland Browns (unless you have been living on the moon for the past 3 months, you know that's not good). Despite having the fewest points scored, I can win my last 2 games (a possibility) and with a little help, can still make the playoffs! I've become the team that I hate every year that makes the playoffs despite being terrible... damn.

Anyway, on to the picks!

Browns (+4) at Lions

I just couldn't resist. Have you ever seen 2 worse teams (that wear NFL uniforms)? This might be the worst game ever played, yet I'm actually hoping that I get it in my area! This is bound to be high comedy. I can just hear the pregame announcer now, "coming up on Fox NFL Sunday, the worst offense in the league (the Browns) tries to get it together with their coach in the hot seat against the worst defense in the league (the Lions). Who will get their second win of the season? Find out next right here on Fox." I used Fox because it would make sense for a game this terrible to be on Fox. I think CBS does a much better job with football on Sundays, or maybe it's just because the AFC tends to put a better product on the field than the NFC (well, except for the Brownies of course). I don't have anything to say about either team other than they are both awful and fighting for last place with each other in most statistical categories. But because the Lions can sometimes find their way over the goal line much like you or I would grope through a dark house and fall down the stairs, I'll take the Lions.

Will - Lions

Lauren - Browns

Steelers (-10) at Chiefs

So can that Todd Haley yell or what? How long do you think until Chiefs management has to look into Haley the same way Kansas is being forced to look into Mangino? I would say by week 15 he completely loses all of his players and stories start to come out. It looks like Polamalu is going to sit this one out. That's alright though because the only receiving threat that the Chiefs possess - Dwayne Bowe - has to sit out 4 games for violating the steroids policy. I feel bad for Bowe because I think he's being cheated by his dealer. I mean, seriously, he's gotten worse! I will say one thing for the Chiefs, at least they got rid of Johnson, and I'm happy that the Bengals picked him up. I was hoping for something to slow the Bengals down and he's just the man to do it (albeit from the inside out...). The Steelers will have a nice bounce back game and I would fear for my health if I were a member of the Chiefs, the Steelers will be out for blood on Sunday. I'll take the Steelers.

Will - Steelers

Lauren - Steelers

Falcons (even) at Giants

Wow, this is one of those games that's going to take 5 hours and be incredibly sloppy. Michael Turner is nursing an injury, second year QB in Matt Ryan is reminding everyone that he's only in his second year (I guess everyone has film on him now), the Giants run game has not been the same this year - Brandon Jacobs picture should be on a milk carton because he hasn't shown up all year, and Eli Manning is... well... he's just terrible. This game will be unwatchable because of many turnovers + neither team being able to run the ball (good Giants D, banged up Falcons RB's, Giants RB's are MIA) + poor QB play (ALOT of incompletions) = long, boring game. I need to move on before I lose the will to live just thinking about this game... but I'll take the Giants since they just lost 4 straight and that's embarrassing.

Will - Giants

Lauren - Giants

Colts (+1) at Ravens

This is a tough game to pick. On the one hand you have the undefeated Colts with what looks like an unstoppable offense. On the other you have a Ravens team who's been hit or miss in all facets of the game. However, Terrell Suggs looks like he might not be able to go after Brady Quinn's huge embarrassing failure of a tackle. You would think that Quinn would be able to avoid situations like this with all the interceptions he throws... but maybe I'm wrong. I'll take the Colts and the point, I just don't think this is the week that the Colts lose their mojo.

Will - Colts

Lauren - Colts

Cardinals (-9) at Rams

This just has trap game written all over it to me. The Rams have been surprisingly frisky of late behind Steven Jackson and his refusal to be tackled. On the other side, the Cardinals live and die by the play of Kurt Warner - who I believe is eligible for Medicare within the next ten minutes. If Warner has a few senior moments like he did against Carolina in week 8 (which, come to think of it, could have just been Warner trying to make Delhomme feel good about himself - he is a good christian and all...). I'm counting on the Cards to lay an egg and Jackson to carry the Rams on his back all the way to a nice little cover of the spread. Rams.

Will - Cardinals

Lauren - Cardinals

Chargers (even) at Broncos

That Jay Cutler trade looks better and better with each passing week, right? Well, unless you like gunslingers who act like a bratty trust fund kids. And don't you kind of miss Rivers and Cutler jawing before games? Reminds me of two sweater vest wearing teenagers at the yacht club arguing over who's dingy scratched who's. Anyway, it looks like Orton and his neckbeard won't be out there on Sunday and that will probably spell disaster for the Broncos. Well, that and the Broncos seem to have come back to earth after that 5-0 start. I think Broncos fans can look forward to a second implosion in as many seasons to not make the playoffs. I think it's obvious, but I'll take the Chargers.

Will - Chargers

Lauren - Broncos

Jets (+11) at Patriots

I think that the Patriots and the "Eff you touchdown" (phrase coined by Bill Simmons of espn.com) will return to form this weekend. After Belichick got dragged through the mud all week by the media, I don't see how he Won't be leading the Patriots to a very lopsided victory this weekend. Keep in mind that the Jets are missing their anchor on D (literally and figuratively as he is a big man for his size), Chris Jenkins, and also start a rookie QB. Now that I think about it, I don't see how this line isn't closer to 15, there's just no way the Patriots don't just blow them out this Sunday to soothe their egos and show that they still have no sportsmanship or respect for their opponents. Patriots.

Will - Patriots

Lauren - Jets

NFL Week 11 Picks Part 1

Wow, so it's been a while, longer than the last time. Many things have happened since week 6 (the last time I posted). First of all, and for no other reason other than the fact that I'm winning, I think that we are going to do a couple more games for the weekly picks. Just looking at the schedule for the upcoming week, there are 7 matchups that would be fun to pick based on interesting lines, matchups, and, well, just because it's my blog and I pick which games I want to pick against the spread.

Because I have no memory of anything that happened between week 6 and 10 (and to my knowledge I haven't been hit in the head as many times as Brian Westbrook in the last couple of weeks - more on concussions coming up), I guess I'll just focus on a few things that happened during this last weekend of football.

I was in Pittsburgh this last weekend for the Penguins and Steelers games - but I'll save hockey for when the season is over and I know that some people (Will) aren't hockey fans and wouldn't want me to start talking about it in a football blog entry - but I digress. I got to witness firsthand the Bengals beating the Steelers at their (what used to be) their own game. The Bengals offensive and defensive lines blew up the Steelers at the point of attack and without Polamalu, the Steelers D is not nearly as formidable... probably because Polamalu diagnoses a play better than anyone in the league. Sidenote: something that I feel was overlooked until recently when Polamalu started appearing in all those Head and Shoulders commercials is how he talks. His voice is so mellow and soothing that you would never believe that he is one of the hardest hitting and best safeties in the game. His voice is better suited for softly cooing to new born babies while sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch on a warm summer morning with his hair billowing in the breeze (*sigh*) rather than talking about the intricacies of Dick LeBeau's zone blitzing scheme. But that's just my opinion...

In non-Steeler news, concussions and football. I know Malcolm Gladwell just wrote an awesome piece in the NY Times or Post (can't remember which one), but I'm not sure too many of you would have read it and I think that it's a pretty interesting and worthy subject for discussion. To summarize, Gladwell talks about the debilitating long term effects former players feel after sustaining many concussions (and coming back too soon) in their career. New research is suggesting that those that suffer a concussion and come back too soon only set themselves up for more concussions as they will happen more easily if your brain is not allowed to heal properly in the first place. The long term effects of this can be devastating. It has been seen that an oft concussed former player in his 50's has the same brain usage as a dementia sufferer in their 80's. I feel that this is horrifying and easily preventable. If I were the commissioner, I would mandate proper fitting helmets. Watch ANY play in slow motion and you will see the helmets of whoever is running bouncing around as the helmets are not properly sized. I have seen very few players with their helmets snug enough on their heads so that the helmet does what it is intended to do - PROTECT YOUR HEAD! You may have to outlaw certain hairstyles (basically just really thick dreadlocks), but it would go a long way to preventing concussions. OK, I'm done now...

As the great Herm Edwards once said, "You play to win the game!" and that is exactly what the Patriots did by going for it on fourth and 1.5 at the end of the game at their own 28.5. I hate that not only did Belichick get skewered for his decision by the media, but half of them are back tracking after seeing the statistics that say that he made the right decision! And I'm sorry for all you Tedy Bruschi fans out there, but come on, do you seriously think that Belichick just alienated his entire defense by basically saying "I like my chances of getting 1.5 yards against an injured and not very good defense with my all world QB better than my chances of stopping an all universe QB who has my almost equally not as good defense tired from chasing the 6' 5" 225 lb QB's laser, rocket-arm throws over the last few possessions." I understand that Belichick probably got lost in Brady's dreamy eyes during the first time out, which possibly lead to having to burn their last time out (and the subsequent inability to challenge the spot - which was probably a first down). If you were going to burn Belichick for anything, I would say it would be for briefly turning into Andy Reid and burning his last 2 timeouts because of personnel reasons... but hey, hind sight is 50-50 (or something to that effect).

This entry went much longer than I intended, so I'm going to break it up into 2 parts, with part 2 coming on Thursday complete with actual picks for week 11...

NFL Week 6 Picks

I know I suck, but I've been busy (read: lazy). Anyway, to business. There are, in my opinion, 8 just absolutely awful teams that make me wish the NFL were run like Premier League soccer (with the worst couple teams being relegated to the lower division, replaced by the top couple teams in the lower division - in this case, the CFL... maybe? oh wait, the UFL! problem solved! I'm only half serious, more coming later). These 8 teams - Kansas City, Oakland, Cleveland, Buffalo, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, Washington, and Detroit - will probably only collect wins against each other this year. Combined, they are 6-34. If you don't count games that they played each other, they are collectively 0-28! That's absurd. Even more absurd is the duel to the death between JaMarcus Russell and Derek Anderson to see who can set the all time record for worst QB rating in one season. Until last week, it didn't look like much of a contest until Anderson put up the following gem - 2-17, 23 yds, 0 TD, 1 INT. By the way, THEY WON THE GAME 6-3 over the Bills! That's how bad these teams are... ok, I'm done.

Back to the relegation idea, I don't see how this wouldn't improve the NFL. If the 4 teams in the UFL were absorbed into the NFL (so that they received picks 1-4 in the draft, as they would be the worst 4 teams - I assume no one would argue with that), you could relegate the bottom 2 teams to the UFL and move up the 2 teams that made the championship. This would help the NFL in a number of reasons. First off, not only would you have the playoff race at the end of the year, you would also have the bottom dwellers trying desperately to get out of the bottom 2 so that they play in front of NFL crowds next year and not CMU flag football crowds. This, in turn, would force the terrible ownership in the league - Cleveland, Oakland, and Detroit most notably - to hire GMs that are worth something because if the team is terrible year in and year out, they won't stay in the NFL and therefore won't make any money. I can't think of a better motivator than money. Finally, Vegas gets a chance to see if they can support a professional team, although I'm not sure if you want a pro team that close to the gambling capital of the country. That being said, I wish that this would happen to the MLB and NBA much more than I wish for this to happen in the NFL, but that's another issue altogether.

Now, without further ado, on to the picks!

You can see in the sidebar the standings for the year (although this is only 2 weeks...).

Browns (+15) at Steelers

Well, you already know how I feel about the Browns. They're terrible. Please keep in mind that Derek Anderson came in, in the second half of the game in week 3, threw 3 interceptions and won the starting job from there on out. I'm lost for words, the only team with a worse QB is Oakland, but the detestable duo of Anderson and Quinn is giving them a run for their money. In other news, Roethlisberger is throwing a ton this year and I actually hope that Mendenhall has stolen the starting job from Fast (but only when I'm in the open with no one around me, otherwise I tip-toe and move in slow motion) Willie Parker at RB. Polamalu is going to play Sunday with a brace on his knee, but the defense suffered what will probably turn out to be just as big of a blow with the loss of Aaron Smith for the year. Regardless, the Steelers own the Browns and I'd like to think this is the week we see the Steelers of old (after someone tells them there wasn't a rule change, there are still 4 quarters, not 3). I'll take the Steelers.

Will - Browns

Lauren - Steelers

Giants (+3) at Saints

I hear Plantar Fascitis is no joke, combine that with the fact that Eli always looks like he's about to cry (I had to get my shot in somehow, right?) and you get potential problems at QB. Drew Brees shows no signs of slowing down, which leads me to believe that this could turn into a shootout. I think that a shootout favors the Saints, since they have the best QB in the league and have shown that they are for real. That being said, we are talking about a Giants team that can tire out the scoreboard operator too, so this should come down to which defense can get a timely stop in the fourth quarter. I say it's the Saints.

Will - Saints

Lauren - Giants

Cardinals (+3) at Seahawks

Well, here's a matchup of 2 teams that are pretty much never televised on the East coast. If Will weren't one of the people that I'm picking against, I would not have chosen this game (that gives you an idea of how exciting I think this game will be). I see the Seahawks as wildly inconsistent, they live and die by the health of Hasselbeck, which should tell you either how good he is or how bad Seneca Wallace is. As far as I can tell, the Cardinals have not played a game that would really indicate where they stand. Their wins came against the Texans and Jaguars, while their losses came against the Colts (who make a strong argument for being the best team in the league) and the 49ers (who lost last week to a good Falcons team while not having Frank Gore). I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't believe any team in the NFC West is any good and I'd like to see one of them beat a winning team outside of their division before I begin to take one of them seriously (keep in mind that this is the same Cardinals team that was in the Superbowl last year...). I'll take the Cardinals and the points.

Will - Cardinals

Lauren - Cardinals

Ravens (+3) at Vikings

A battle of 2 teams with purple as their primary color. Now a relevant and potentially inciteful thought, Ray (I'm a violent dirty player that may have murdered a man, but that's ok because I'm a man of God) Lewis and the rest of the defense need to stop taking stupid penalties in the worst possible situations if they want to at least repeat what they did last year. Both of these teams are very good and this will be a hard-hitting, well played, and exciting football game. I don't see this being high scoring only because both of these defenses are more stifling than the offenses are explosive. Who would have thought that Favre would have been able to come back this year and have a repeat of the beginning of last year? Not this guy, although it may have something to do with not reporting a biceps tear that prevented him from throwing the ball further than about 5 yards, but whatever. Also, Joe "the Flying Unibrow" Flacco is orchestrating a now surprisingly frisky offense that has shown flashes with some big plays and big games from Flacco. Now let's see if they can keep it up for the year or if the first few weeks were just a result of taking opposing defensive coordinators by surprise. I'll take the Vikings.

Will - Vikings

Lauren - Vikings

Bears (+3) at Falcons

After starting off a little slow against the Packers, the Bears have come back and are looking pretty good, but so are the Falcons. This will be a good game with 2 teams that seem to be hitting their mid-season stride facing off in Atlanta (think Falcons fans still miss Michael Vick?). Michael Turner is finally playing like the Michael Turner of last year, which makes the Falcons dangerous through the ground and air (especially with the addition of Tony Gonzalez in the off season). Not much insight on this game, but I'll take the Falcons for the reason that I'd rather not pick with Cutler only to see him throw 5 INTs.

Will - Bears

Lauren - Bears

I'm hoping to be more consistent with the entries, maybe I'll even throw a second entry in next week if I'm feeling frisky...  

NFL Week 4 Picks

Since I was in Pittsburgh this last weekend to help my dad finish his basement, I missed ALOT of football - and I'm not happy about it. Regardless, I still did better with the picks than I did in week 2. I know it's cheating, but I'm going to reset my record so that Lauren, Will and I all have the same number of games picked against. Without further ado, let's take a look at how we did.

Steelers (-4) at Bengals

I might be one of the few Steeler fans that isn't destroying paper towel dispensers at Sheetz (wait, that was just Jeff Reed, my mistake). I don't think they are in that much trouble even though they decided to take about 5 years off my life with two late collapses in a row. It finally comes out that the secondary is less than ordinary without Polamalu, he needs to come back soon.

Me (0-1)

Will (1-0)

Lauren (0-1)

Colts (+3) at Cardinals

You might have had to be certifiably insane, a die-hard, biased Cardinals fan (I'm looking at you Will), or just not know anything about football to lay points against Peyton Manning when he's playing a mediocre at best team... just saying. This game wasn't even close and probably could have been worse if Bob Sanders was on the field. Side note, how long can you stick with someone that's injured more than their healthy? I understand that he is one of the best safeties in the league and - like the Steelers and Polamalu - he makes the defense go from zero to stout just by stepping on the field, but when you're games played total reads 4, 15, 6, and 0 (this year) you have to think that the Colts need to start thinking about parting ways so that they can use that money to get someone that might not be as good, but will be much more reliable.

Me (1-1)

Will (1-1)

Lauren (0-2)

Falcons (+4) at Patriots

Picking against the Patriots in this situation - coming off a tough loss and playing at home - in the Brady-Belichick era is like picking Appalachian State over a powerhouse like Michigan... wait, bad example. Either way, Brady looked a little better and we're now seeing that the Falcons aren't nearly as good when Ryan has to throw more than usual. Also, I'm a little worried about the Patriots wide receiver situation without Wes Welker. It looks like he will play this week, but wow, they don't have much depth in many positions this year, do I dare question their ability to make the playoffs? Not yet, but if they get bitten at all by the injury bug, we could have a repeat of last year.

Me (2-1)

Will (1-2)

Lauren (1-2)

Redskins (-7) at Detroit

What does it say about the state of Redskins football that if it weren't for the Ravens/Browns game, I would have taken the Lions in my suicide pool over the Redskins (as in, taking the Lions straight up to win outright)? They have a front office that rivals the Lions and the Raiders, a head coach that thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread, and a bunch of overpayed players who mostly seem to be "signed and retired" (that's NBA speak for someone that signs a big contract and proceeds to mail it in until their next contract year). Big win for the Lions though, but I'm not sure if I allow my players to go out and celebrate like they just won the Superbowl. Especially since it is well documented that many of the players on last years team aren't around this year and that will only lead to an attitude of "we won a game, season's over."

Me (3-1)

Will (2-2)

Lauren (2-2)

Panthers (+9) at Cowboys

I should have never underestimated Jake Delhomme's ability to throw a pick 6 at the end of the game to graciously allow the Cowboys to cover the spread. Furthermore, after watching 3 quarters of this game Monday night on and off - including the pre-game introductions - I'm more convinced with my view that the new Cowboys stadium is a slap in the face to real NFL fans. The glamour and spectacle of Jerryworld is just a gigantic distraction from a lackluster on the field product.

Me (3-2)

Will (2-3)

Lauren (2-3)

Since the games will be on in about 30 minutes, I'm just going to post our picks for the week without going into detail - I hope the two people that will read this aren't too disappointed. 

Chargers (+7) at Steelers

me steelers

will chargers

lauren steelers

Ravens (+2) at Patriots

me ravens

will ravens

lauren patriots

Jets (+7) at Saints

me jets

will saints

lauren jets

Packers (+4) at Vikings

me vikings

will packers

lauren packers

Seahawks (+11) at Colts

me colts

will colts

lauren seahawks 

NFL Week 3 Preview

Before I get to the picks for the week, a few words about my fellow pickers. Will is my good friend from college. He is a Cardinals fan (you should feel sorry for him) and lives on the west coast. I think that this will be a good offset from my picks since he is a fan of a bad team on the West coast and I'm a fan of a very good team on the East coast (just kidding Will, the Cardinals are AT LEAST mediocre). Lauren is my girlfriend with a casual knowledge of football. She grew up on Long Island so could be considered a Giants fan, but enjoys watching the Steelers as well. It will be interesting when Lauren beats both Will and I with her picks... so let's get this over with.

Steelers (-4) at Bengals

Still no Polamalu. Carter and Taylor both get fined for what appeared to be clean hits (they weren't even flagged!), although I'm not sure Olsen or Taylor know what day it is. Facing the hard nosed blue collar steel town team is everyones favorite side show - the Bengals. I really think that the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson has been hit in the head a few too many hundred times. First, he changes his name to Ochocinco for who cares why. For those of you that know ANY spanish know that isn't the way to say eighty-five, which is what he was trying to make his name. Next, he starts using phrases such as "kiss the baby" and "child please" as though they were common colloquialisms. Last time I checked, they aren't. He leads the never proud, oft troubled franchise known affectionately around the NFL as the bungles. The only thing they lead the league in is number of arrests. Behind him are players like Carson Palmer who, let's face it, is held together by orange and black striped duct tape. But hiding behind Palmer is a quietly lurking defense that has the NFL leader in sacks - Odom - and a good young linebacker in Keith Rivers. This game will be close due to the injury to Polamalu and because Palmer will continue his return to his pre-Kimo'd self. I'll still take the Steelers though.

Will - Bengals

Lauren - Steelers

Colts (+3) at Cardinals

The colts have to travel to a neutral site game in Arizona to face the Cardinals. I know, on paper the Cardinals are at home, but they are cursed with possibly the worst home crowd in the league. This is because Phoenix is a city filled with transplants and senior citizens that don't really care about Cardinal football (Will, feel free to comment). As a result, the comatose crowd will allow Peyton to change plays more often than he films commercials (you probably didn't think that was possible, huh?). Unfortunately for Peyton, the colts d holds their ground as often as the French army (read: never) and the ageless Warner isn't so bad at moving the ball himself. This should be interesting as well, but I'm not laying points against Peyton. I'll take Indy.

Will - Cardinals

Lauren - Cardinals

Falcons (+4) at Patriots

The Falcons look good and the Patriots don't! I had to duck after writing that for fear of being smitten by some Patriots fan hiding in the bushes or a member of the media that's in love with Belichick and Co. However, I don't know how I can lay points against the Patriots at home... trying... failing... trying again... nope, can't do it. Patriots are at home, coming off a loss, and I get points? Tell me how this can go wrong? I think I just walked into the trap. Patriots.

Will - Falcons

Lauren - Patriots

Redskins (-7) at Lions

Speaking of trap games, the Redskins offense looks about as good as if an actual group of Indians - assuming they knew nothing about football - were the offensive players. In case you weren't sure, that's not a good thing. The only thing they have going for them is that they are playing the Lions, who seem to be getting a faint pulse. Are the Lions turning it around fast enough to pull out a win this week? I don't know, and I might be reaching, but I think yes. Even if they don't win this week, I think they'll be able to keep it within a touchdown. One thing that's bothering me is that as I was toying with taking the Lions this week, many football "experts" were taking them too. This is not a good sign. I'll still pick the Lions just because they have to win one eventually, right?

Will - Lions

Lauren - Lions

Panthers (+9) at Cowboys

Did I mention how much I love that the Cowboys home opener in their new stadium was spoiled? This line is too good to pass up. I see Romo and Delhomme in an overrated QB duel to see who can turn the ball over the most (though Romo is probably the only one of the two that's overrated anymore after the last few flaming turds that Delhomme threw out there, but he was before when Steve Smith would do all the work for him...). I think they'll be neck and neck with both trying to out-do the other with ill-advised passes and awful turnovers. I feel sorry for those who had to sell a kidney to sit between 2 300 pound, beer guzzling, Troy Aikmen jersey wearing Cowboys fans. I'll take the points and the Panthers.

Will - Panthers

Lauren - Panthers

I'll leave you with a text that I got the other day from Lauren;

"I managed my (fantasy football) team. I decided it needed more hair so I benched Westbrook for Hightower. Then I thought it needed some more youth so I benched Warner for Flacco."

You know this reasoning will probably lead her to a championship...

NFL Week 2 in Review

Wow, even though picking against Eli blew up in my face this week, I can at least be happy that the Cowboys lost (I know, I can't have it both ways but you have to admit - non-cowboy fans - that it was nice listening to dead silence during the first game in the brand new 8th wonder of the world that is "Jerryland"). Furthermore, if there was an awkward meter somewhere, I'm not sure if those exist, it would have broken within 30 seconds of the Jerry Jones/Bob Costas interview right before kickoff. For those of you that missed it (sorry, but I can't find a video to link to it), Jerry and Bob stare INTENSELY - I can't stress that enough - into each others eyes with about 18" separating their noses throughout the entire interview where Costas allows Jones to talk about how sweet he is and how he just built the best stadium ever (more on the stadium in a minute). There are only a few fleeting moments that they break eye contact but more than a few sly "is he listening to himself?" grins from Costas during the course of the interview. Words can't describe and I hope that everyone reading this (both of you) watched Sunday night.

Also, how does Jerry Jones sit there and pick his nose - in plain view no less - when he knows there will be at least 10 cameras trained on him at all times (counting all the ones that he hires to follow him around and bask in his awesomeness)? That ranks up there on the list of things celebrities, not the right description for Jones.... thinking.... got it, absurdly wealthy snobs that keep tabloids in business shouldn't do since they know they are ALWAYS on camera at events, especially ones in their own new stadium (ranks right below hunting endangered animals in their luxury box - or whatever it is they do up there...). Also, what does this say about the state of America that I can find 100 different versions of Jerry Jones mining for gold on national TV and zero showing the new standard that unintentional comedy should be held at (the Costas vs. Jones staring contest)?

Final Jerry Jones related tangent (I promise). How much of a circus is the Cowboys new stadium? It just seems like a big joke and I would hate it if it were my teams home stadium. First of all, I would have to take out a second mortgage on my house, my parents house, and sell my first born child to afford tickets within a quarter mile of the field. Secondly, both teams run through a WWE style ramp/tunnel to get to the field with field box fans on either side of them (explain to me how this isn't an incident waiting to happen - paging Ron Artest...). How extremely awkward/stupid do you think this is if you're a player? I say up there with coming out of the tunnel wearing a "Jason" mask - sorry Eagles fans, I forgot your starting safety did this on Sunday. I could go on and on with the ridiculous non-football circus sideshow attractions that the new Cowboys stadium has, but I'll end with this one; the cheerleaders dance on platforms above the field level seats! Find me one father of a girl that can go to a game and say with a straight face that they hope their daughter ends up there one day. This takes the absurdity of NFL cheerleaders to another level... wow.

Alright, so I was close on my prediction for this game, but Eli decided to play just well enough to pull it out at the end (since I live on the east coast and I'm a loser, I didn't stay up for the whole game). But close doesn't count (0-1).

Carolina (+6) at Atlanta - Atlanta wins outright and Delhomme still hasn't quite got it back yet (0-2).

Pittsburgh (-3) at Chicago - A disappointing game all around. Once the rain really started coming down both teams got a little out of sync. Even though everyone in Pittsburgh is at least a little bit unhappy with Jeff Reed - myself included - I take some solace in that he looked genuinely upset with himself for missing those kicks (who am I kidding... I'm pissed). Oh yeah... (0-3)... damn...

New England (-4) at New York Jets - Alright! finally a game that I got right! How cold was that handshake at the end of the game? I say somewhere between naked in Antarctica and absolute zero (for you non-nerds, that's -459 degrees Fahrenheit). Even if I didn't think the next game would be equally as good, I'm still watching the game to see the handshake at the end (1-3).

Cardinals (+3) at Jacksonville - Unfortunately, even if I wanted to watch this game, I couldn't have since I don't have direct TV and the NFL will only show me an extra game if I sell them my soul - but I digress. The Jaguars got smacked around by the Cardinals who must have been stung by their loss last week. Let's see if they can keep it up against NFL teams that aren't trying to tank - a la the Cleveland Indians of "Major League" - to get moved to a better NFL city. You know your team is hurting for fans when the front office says, "we are strongly considering drafting 'local college player X' (in this case Tim Tebow) in hopes of stirring up more local interest," yeah, I know, not quite the exact quote from the Jags, but you get the point (2-3).

I'll post a new power rankings soon. Also, for the picks this week I'm hoping to get a couple of my friends to pick ATS the same 5 games that I pick for the coming week. Hopefully I choose games that we disagree on to make things interesting. Only time will tell...

Week 2 Preview

Alright, let's take a look at the games that look the most interesting on paper going into week 2 (and the Cardinals game... it never gets old). I'll keep track of my W/L against the spread week to week.

Carolina (+6) at Atlanta

The Falcons are coming off a "was that legitimate?" win over the Dolphins (if you saw my power rankings, I think that the Dolphins will disappoint this year with teams quickly figuring out how to stop the wildcat) while Carolina got embarrassed at home by a good but not great Eagles defense - not great because they are missing Stewert Bradley for the year and are starting a rookie CB at safety to replace Brian Dawkins. I'll take Carolina to win outright since they will be coming in with a chip on their shoulders and I see Delhomme redeeming himself against a more conservative Falcons D.

Pittsburgh (-3) at Chicago

It will be interesting to see how Cutler can bounce back from a Delhomme like performance (4 picks). How long will Bears fans put up with him acting like a spoiled teenager who just heard "no" for the first time from his parents? I say longer than they should since they are so excited to have a QB with an IQ above caveman (remember Cade McNown?) and that can throw the ball farther than 25 yards without gale force winds at his back (Kyle Orton). As for the Steelers, maybe they can run the ball against the Bears with Urlaucher out (wait a minute... am I drunk? there's no way they'll run effectively with that offensive line against a good Bears front 4). I never thought I would see a Steeler team that threw more than they ran after the "Tommy Gun" era came to a close. Speaking of Tommy Maddox, I don't think there has ever been a QB that combines the foot speed that I have when getting chased by someone in a nightmare (which, for the record, is slower than my 85 year old grandmother can move with her walker) and the pocket awareness of a blind man (my blood pressure just rose a few hundred points). I'll take the Steelers.

 New England (-4) at New York Jets

I see Rex Ryan giving the Patriots a bunch of different looks, enough to upset the flow of the Patriots offense that looking surprisingly pedestrian until the last five minutes of the Buffalo game. Tom Brady will be better this week but I think that Thomas Jones and Leon Washington will give the Pats D fits - especially since now the Patriots will be without Jerrod Mayo. Buffalo and their awful offensive line ran all over the Patriots. The Jets will do it too, but better. I'll take the Jets in the upset along with the coldest handshake this side of the Belichick-Mangini-post-spygate handshake.

Giants (+3) at Cowboys

I can see this being a long and boring game with Romo throwing alot of incompletions in the face of a good Giants rush as well as Eli being Eli and spreading around some dying ducks. The Giants will control the clock with their running game but I think the Cowboys will win their home opener with a defensive stand in the final minute when Eli is unable to complete a pass and the last ditch effort stalls out. On a side note, what's the over under on number of balls that will hit the scoreboard? I say 2.5 and I'll take the over. My prediction, 2 punts and one throw to stop the clock and get a replay of down (see my week 1 power rankings post under the Cowboys where I talk about why it's a good idea to throw at the scoreboard).

Cardinals (+3) at Jaguars

Even though west coast teams were something like 1 - 10000 last year when playing a 1:00pm game on the east coast, I'm going to take the Cardinals and the points in this one (see Will, I don't hate the Cardinals that much...). I can't bring myself to go with an offense that just can't score, even though the defense was able to hold the Colts to 14 points (not sure how big a deal that was considering Peyton only had 2 people to throw it to with Gonzalez going down for up to the next 8 weeks). Also, it's tough to lay points against a team with Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin, and Steve Breaston. One, if not all, of them is going to make a big play that will contribute to the win.

NFL Power Rankings

I love a good power ranking as much as the next guy, but I also have trouble agreeing with those that were done by a committee of talking heads who would never agree on anything like this - yes, I'm looking at you Mr. Major Sports Web Page. Inevitably half of these people site statistics that require more than a cursory knowledge of vector calculus to interpret and make you say "wait a minute, how does the weight of Tony Romo's former girlfriend multiplied by the current height of Texas Stadium's scoreboard plus Martellus Bennett's vertical leap at the combine divided by Pi^3 tell me how much better the Cowboys are than the Lions?" 

Because of this, I will be posting my own power rankings every so often detailing where I think all teams are in relation to one another. Below you will find my own somewhat biased opinion (I'm a steeler fan by trade, but hopefully I won't let that cloud my judgment too much...) along with comments that will hopefully give you some sort of idea as to what I was thinking. Please feel free to comment.

1. Steelers - The current champions. They will be at the top of the list at least until they lose a game. No Polamalu makes the defense somewhat less formidable.

2. Giants - I don't understand how Eli Manning got the contract he did. Eli gets praise for his name - Manning - and for having a Super Bowl ring. The latter coming only after avoiding a sack (which he did while bouncing around and spinning like a toddler trying to get a sticker off his back), blindly throwing up a prayer DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIELD and having David Tyree - victim of final cut downs this year - make a one in a million catch while getting things done to him by Rodney Harrison that would land you in jail in any civilized country. I'm not bitter because there is no team that I dislike more than the Patriots, I just don't understand why Eli gets so much praise for being a mediocre QB on a team with arguably the best running game in the league and a top 5 defense, with the running game and defense being the reasons why the Giants are easy to slide in at #2 

3. Eagles - This team is horrifying in my opinion. The defense is amazing and hard to pick against. However, the Eagles have the uncanny ability to put points on the board for BOTH teams while on offense, which is tough to do. That being said, they do a good enough job scoring more for for the right team because Andy Reid will eat the whole post game spread himself if they don't.

4. Ravens - Does anyone else think that Ray Lewis is a walking contradiction since all he talks about in interviews is how awesome God is and how God is all powerful and does everything for him and yet he is a trash talking, vain, violent, possible criminal? Regardless, the Ravens D is still one of the best in the game and Joe "my unibrow is like extra eyeblack" Flacco is making giant leaps as a second year QB.

5. Vikings - Most high school QBs would be better than either Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels, so how do you fault them for going after Favre? At the same time though, I could take a snap and hand it off to Adrian Peterson. As long as Favre remembers that the best running back in the league lines up behind him and that he shouldn't throw the ball unless absolutely necessary, all should be well in Vikingland.

6. Patriots - Dreamboat Tom Brady (what? there's not a law that requires me to mention that Tom Brady is a grade A hottie??? I guess I'm used to people like "Jaws" swooning over Brady's swashbuckling good looks and talk about how he saves the kittens of his illegitimate children out of trees on the weekends - while shirtless and showing off his six pack abs... I'm done now) is back and leading a team with a young and leaderless defense. That Buffalo game must have been scary to watch as a Patriots fan. I think that the Patriots offense will only get better and the defense will be better, but still have some lapses without guys like Bruschi and Seymour around anymore.

7. Titans - Chris Johnson is the boomtown. I can honestly say that I was nervous every time there was even a chance that he could touch the ball against the Steelers on Thursday. I think he could rival Peterson this year with yards but as long as d-d-d-d-doughboy fresh Lendale White is around, he won't get the TD's and accolades he should.

8. Saints - I think Drew Brees just threw another TD and before you finish this paragraph, he will throw at least three more. I know, I know, they played a DIII team in the Lions, but you have to admit Brees is good and maybe we'll see a new TD king this year.

9. Colts - *YAWN* Same old here. They still have Manning, Wayne, and Clark. As long as Manning has people surrounding him with enough intelligence to remember some hand signals and audible vocabulary (they don't even have to be that good) the Colts will be heading to the playoffs on coach Manning's back.

10. Packers - It's sad that Aaron Rodgers will probably have to win a Super Bowl to make the land of clogged arteries and 6XL Favre jerseys forget about ol' number 4. He's arguably the second best QB in the NFC (behind Brees) and doesn't make nearly as many terrible "what was he thinking" throws as Favre did/will.

11. Chargers - Do you honestly think that there is some switch that flips in an RBs body that all the sudden makes them washed up the minute they turn 30? Me too. Even though I didn't see the game, I know that Sproles and not Tomlinson scored the winning TD. I don't think that bodes well for the Chargers as they lose alot of their identity when they don't run the offense through him.

12. Cowboys - Do you hear that? The soothing, gentle sound of pigskin striking steel? How ridiculous is this whole situation? And explain to me again how Jerry Jones wasn't REQUIRED to move that board - with the NFL paying for it? What about this situation, that no one is talking about; getting late in the game and the offense wants to stop the clock, but they are out of timeouts and it's 4th down so they can't spike it. What's to stop the QB from taking the snap and winging the ball at the scoreboard?!? According to the "ground rules" if the ball strikes the scoreboard, the clock is reset and the down is replayed. Explain to me why you wouldn't do this to stop the clock.

13. Jets - Sexy Rexy and his trash talking self have themselves a surprisingly frisky team. Leon Washington is dangerous, Mark Sanchez looks pretty good running the show, and of course a Rex Ryan defense is going to be good. That's all I got for now.

14. Falcons - Sort of a boring team to watch. Not a flashy offense and the defense does their job, but they do it well enough to be a playoff contender.

15. 49ers - I guess I would find ways to win too if I knew my coach would flash me if he thought I wasn't playing well.

16. Bills - I don't know how long the no-huddle offense can last. How is Dick Jauron an NFL coach? On the plus side, they ran the ball well even with Marshawn Lynch suspended.

17. Bears - The injury to Urlaucher does not help a defense that will probably be put up against a short field quite a few times this year with Jay "throw it hard, throw it deep, damn the consequences" Cutler as their QB.

18. Redskins - I think Jason Campbell will be better than most people think with the coaches opening up the passing game for him, it's just too bad that he's still a mediocre QB surrounded by mediocre personnel.

19. Seahawks - What a difference having your starting QB and top 3 receivers makes!

20. Texans - How many "football experts" thought the Texans were a "sleeper" playoff team - all of them. How many will admit that they are morons and that they should stop drinking the Texan kool-aid - none of them.

21. Cardinals - Yeah they made the Super Bowl, they have the best receiving corps in football, they have a QB that ages like a fine wine and they play in the second worst division in football, but this year I think we might be seeing the same old Cardinals (sorry Will).

22. Panthers - Wow this entry got long... Jake Delhomme is handing out INT's like candy. It's really hard to win football games with your QB turning the ball over more often than he completes a pass.

23. Dolphins - Just read an article claiming Ricky Williams gets along great with the Big Tuna. Either he made a complete 180 or that's just about all you can say positive about a team who's offense seems only able to move the ball from the wildcat formation. Speaking of the wildcat, I think that it will slowly go away this year once teams realize that as long as they contain the runner, they're golden! It's a run first offense that throws people off because the RB might throw. If I'm a defensive coordinator, it would be automatic to run man coverage with the ends (if defense is 4-3) or OLBs (if 3-4 defense) containing the outside. If everyone keeps gap control, the wildcat won't work.

24. Bucs - This team is not going to win a game if they get down early, but they seem like they are built to hold a league with a good running game and a pretty good defense. This also assumes the offense can get on the board...

25. Chiefs - That whole giving Matt Cassel alot of money thing seems to be working well!

26. Jaguars - Played the Colts tough, too bad no one in Jacksonville will get to see (due to what looks like inevitable home blackouts) a good defense and awful offensive team that will lose alot of close home games since the offense can't score points - or maybe it's better that the fans won't have to get their hearts ripped out during home games by an anemic offense.

27. Broncos - Well, week one of Kyle Orton needed a fluky, last second, tipped ball for a touchdown to beat a bad - but might be improving - Bengals team.

28. Bengals - Not a good team. Just know that Brandon Stokley will never be confused for Usain Bolt and that you ARE allowed to chase the ball carrier even if he gets by you. On the plus side, I think that they could get better with Carson Palmer getting back into the flow of the game.

29. Raiders - As long as Al Davis is allowed to run the show, they will NEVER be a good team. At least USC is nearby.

30. Browns - Good thing ManGENIUS thought to withhold who was going to start at QB! I'm sure Minnesota's D spent soooo much extra time in the film room preparing for two not very good QBs.

31. Rams - (Looking for a silver lining) At least they won a game more recently than the Lions!

32. Lions - Same reasoning as the Steelers, until they win a game they will be at the bottom of the rankings.

It Begins

First of all, I'm blog illiterate. This is why the layout is as plain as it gets. I'm up for any suggestions/help that you can give me to make this better and maybe even slightly palatable.

I’ll begin with some background. This blog is called Ray the Sports Jerk because of a good friend of mine from college. It’s an anticlimactic story and I forget most of the details, but here’s my best recollection: 

EBay (Neal gave him the nickname immediately upon meeting him due to his name being InBae), is talking to me about who knows what and stops midsentence (because I’m probably making fun of him for his lack of command of the English language – I know I know, the whole glass houses and rocks things, but I couldn’t resist) to say “you know, you’re just a sports jerk!” I’m completely taken aback by this and ask if he really thinks not only a jerk, but I sports joke (assuming this is worse than being labeled a jerk…). He’s confused and goes on to describe me as a jock, without ever saying the word “jock”, making me realize that he meant to say jock instead of jerk. From that point on I have referred to people as “sports jerks” in his honor and I thought it would be an appropriate name for this blog since most – if not all – topics will be sports related.