Before I get to the picks for the week, a few words about my fellow pickers. Will is my good friend from college. He is a Cardinals fan (you should feel sorry for him) and lives on the west coast. I think that this will be a good offset from my picks since he is a fan of a bad team on the West coast and I'm a fan of a very good team on the East coast (just kidding Will, the Cardinals are AT LEAST mediocre). Lauren is my girlfriend with a casual knowledge of football. She grew up on Long Island so could be considered a Giants fan, but enjoys watching the Steelers as well. It will be interesting when Lauren beats both Will and I with her picks... so let's get this over with.
Steelers (-4) at Bengals
Still no Polamalu. Carter and Taylor both get fined for what appeared to be clean hits (they weren't even flagged!), although I'm not sure Olsen or Taylor know what day it is. Facing the hard nosed blue collar steel town team is everyones favorite side show - the Bengals. I really think that the artist formerly known as Chad Johnson has been hit in the head a few too many hundred times. First, he changes his name to Ochocinco for who cares why. For those of you that know ANY spanish know that isn't the way to say eighty-five, which is what he was trying to make his name. Next, he starts using phrases such as "kiss the baby" and "child please" as though they were common colloquialisms. Last time I checked, they aren't. He leads the never proud, oft troubled franchise known affectionately around the NFL as the bungles. The only thing they lead the league in is number of arrests. Behind him are players like Carson Palmer who, let's face it, is held together by orange and black striped duct tape. But hiding behind Palmer is a quietly lurking defense that has the NFL leader in sacks - Odom - and a good young linebacker in Keith Rivers. This game will be close due to the injury to Polamalu and because Palmer will continue his return to his pre-Kimo'd self. I'll still take the Steelers though.
Will - Bengals
Lauren - Steelers
Colts (+3) at Cardinals
The colts have to travel to a neutral site game in Arizona to face the Cardinals. I know, on paper the Cardinals are at home, but they are cursed with possibly the worst home crowd in the league. This is because Phoenix is a city filled with transplants and senior citizens that don't really care about Cardinal football (Will, feel free to comment). As a result, the comatose crowd will allow Peyton to change plays more often than he films commercials (you probably didn't think that was possible, huh?). Unfortunately for Peyton, the colts d holds their ground as often as the French army (read: never) and the ageless Warner isn't so bad at moving the ball himself. This should be interesting as well, but I'm not laying points against Peyton. I'll take Indy.
Will - Cardinals
Lauren - Cardinals
Falcons (+4) at Patriots
The Falcons look good and the Patriots don't! I had to duck after writing that for fear of being smitten by some Patriots fan hiding in the bushes or a member of the media that's in love with Belichick and Co. However, I don't know how I can lay points against the Patriots at home... trying... failing... trying again... nope, can't do it. Patriots are at home, coming off a loss, and I get points? Tell me how this can go wrong? I think I just walked into the trap. Patriots.
Will - Falcons
Lauren - Patriots
Redskins (-7) at Lions
Speaking of trap games, the Redskins offense looks about as good as if an actual group of Indians - assuming they knew nothing about football - were the offensive players. In case you weren't sure, that's not a good thing. The only thing they have going for them is that they are playing the Lions, who seem to be getting a faint pulse. Are the Lions turning it around fast enough to pull out a win this week? I don't know, and I might be reaching, but I think yes. Even if they don't win this week, I think they'll be able to keep it within a touchdown. One thing that's bothering me is that as I was toying with taking the Lions this week, many football "experts" were taking them too. This is not a good sign. I'll still pick the Lions just because they have to win one eventually, right?
Will - Lions
Lauren - Lions
Panthers (+9) at Cowboys
Did I mention how much I love that the Cowboys home opener in their new stadium was spoiled? This line is too good to pass up. I see Romo and Delhomme in an overrated QB duel to see who can turn the ball over the most (though Romo is probably the only one of the two that's overrated anymore after the last few flaming turds that Delhomme threw out there, but he was before when Steve Smith would do all the work for him...). I think they'll be neck and neck with both trying to out-do the other with ill-advised passes and awful turnovers. I feel sorry for those who had to sell a kidney to sit between 2 300 pound, beer guzzling, Troy Aikmen jersey wearing Cowboys fans. I'll take the points and the Panthers.
Will - Panthers
Lauren - Panthers
I'll leave you with a text that I got the other day from Lauren;
"I managed my (fantasy football) team. I decided it needed more hair so I benched Westbrook for Hightower. Then I thought it needed some more youth so I benched Warner for Flacco."
You know this reasoning will probably lead her to a championship...
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